Singleness can often feel like God is withholding something good from our lives.
We look around and we see others seemingly thriving in their relationships and can wonder….
Why am I still alone?
Why can’t I have someone to share my life with?
When will I get to have my ‘Happily Ever After’?
Will I ever have a family of my own?
If you have been single for any length of time I’m sure you have asked some of these same questions.
Many times these kinds of questions, when not brought to God, can actually lead us to blame God
The story of Job comes to mind when I find myself asking these types of questions.
You see, the overarching theme of the book of Job deals with the question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”
Growing up in the church I was convinced that if I lived a ‘good’ life that all the ‘good’ things I wanted out of life would happen.
When it didn’t pan out that way I was left wondering this. I would tell God, “I’m trying to live a good life, I’m trying to be faithful,I’m trying to honor you, to walk in obedience and yet I’m still single with a desire to be married. Why?”
It’s something that has been challenging to reconcile.
Yet what’s most ironic about the book of Job, is that this central question is never really answered.
Instead the book of Job is about a man who choses to trust in the goodness of God’s character, despite his circumstances. It’s a lesson for us about trusting that God is good even when life doesn’t unfold the way we hoped it would. It challenges us to ask a different question.
What determines how we see the character of God?
Are we informed by our circumstances or are we informed by the Word of God?
It’s difficult to believe that God is faithful as we walk through pain and disappointment.
What we need to remember is that we are part of a bigger story already in motion. He has invited us into his story. We were created in his image to bear witness of His goodness to this world.
Every day we enter into a spiritual battle already waging. The enemy wants us to believe that God isn’t good, that He is in fact holding from us.
If he can convince us of this, then instead of letting God be the author of our story, we seek to be the authors of our own stories.
We become convinced that we can write a better story, we can manufacture a better future and we can manifest our own happiness.
The enemy has been using the same playbook since the first book of the Bible. He convinced Eve that what God said no to, was really the key to her joy and fulfillment. She made the choice, she believed that there was a better option and in the end fractured her relationship with God.
What’s interesting is that as a result God banishes them from the garden and it’s actually this banishment that is his mercy on them. He creates a path for redemption. From the very beginning we see that God is for his creation, for reconciliation and restoration.
Who is writing your story?
It can be so tempting to believe that a relationship will be the thing that brings us fulfillment. It can be challenging not to feel like God is withholding from you in your singleness. But as we read His word the truth is clear- God is good and He is for you!
We have a choice to make.
We believe that God is good and trust that story He is writing.
Or
We believe that our way is better and try to write our own story
The world will tell you that you are the author or your own story, that you determine your destiny, that you manifest the future that you want. You can’t scroll through Instagram without seeing this message.
The Bible tells a different story and it provides lessons from those who faced this same choice for us to learn from.
Observe these two paths, look at the lives of those who chose to walk in obedience and those who took their own path.
When you feel like God is withholding from you it is important to anchor yourself in the truth.
Psalms 84:11 reminds us that, “no good thing does he withhold to those who walk uprightly”
That’s a promise we can cling to.
James reminds us that, “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from that Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
If you are struggling to see singleness as a good gift from God, then maybe ask a different question.
God, how are you using my singleness for my good and your glory?
How can I steward my singleness well?
Start by bringing this before your Heavenly Father, who cares for you.
Here is my prayer for us.
God, help me to reframe how I think about my singleness. Give me your perspective and grant me wisdom to see how you are inviting me into the story that you are writing. Grant me grace as I grapple with my own hopes and desires for the future, while leaning into fully trusting that you are writing a better story. May I see a new perspective, may I witness your goodness in new ways. Thank you for your faithfulness, thank you that you are working all things together for good, even when I can’t see or don’t understand.
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