Do you see purpose in your Singleness?
If you are anything like me the answer to that question can change with the seasons.
The Bible refers to it as a gift, yet in our culture it does not always feel like that. To be honest growing up in the church opposite seems to be communicated.
If you are struggling to see your singleness as a gift, then this post is for you.
Let me start with a personal story.
In 2022, I interviewed for my dream job! It was an absolute whirlwind experience that happened the same week I was moving across the country. Even in the midst of all the chaos related to the move, everything about the job opening seemed perfect. The location (I was already moving back East), the timing (I was transitioning out of my current role) and even the connections I had where the job opening was, it all seemed kismet.
While I was sad to be leaving California, it had been a decision made in prayer and by faith, not truly knowing what the next chapter held. When this job opportunity presented itself it felt like a divine appointment. I lacked some experience for the role, but that didn’t seem to hinder me from moving forward in the process.
“Perfect” Timing
The final interview landed on the same day I had scheduled the U-Haul pod to be delivered so I could pack up my apartment. Not exactly ideal, but everything seemed to be moving in the right direction. The excitement around this potential job even eased the sting of leaving California.
When the “we decided to go in a different direction” email came a week later, while still driving across the country, I was disappointed and a little confused. It had seemed so right in my mind. I had prayed for an opportunity like this. It seemed like a door was opening. Only to be slammed shut!
Have you ever felt like God missed the move?
I mean, in my heart I know God is always at work, but there are moments when I’m just like, “God, did you not see how perfect that was? This would have made me soooo happy!!”
We have all heard the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
I guess I’m still learning that lesson.
Fast- Forward
Two months later I was holding my sister-in-laws hand in a hospital room as doctors and nurses prepared her for an emergency c-section. It was June and my nephew was not due until the end of August. To this day it still ranks as one of the scariest moments of my life.
Graciously the Lord protected them both, but my nephew would spend the next couple of months in the NICU. It was a challenging time for my brother and his wife as they juggled recovery, work schedules, hospital visits and an energetic 3 year old still at home.
In those weeks it became very clear to me why I needed to be there, and not at a ‘dream’ job 4 states away.
Let’s be honest- no one wants to walk through these kinds of trials. But to be able to see God’s sovereignty and provision through them is an incredible gift. We don’t always see the full picture this side of Heaven.
Just because we don’t always see God’s plans and purposes clearly in your singleness, doesn’t mean he isn’t at work or that he is not good and sovereign. Walking by faith through your singleness means learning to trust even when we cannot see.
When we walk through tough times we have this choice.
Either we choose to see things through the lens of God’s unchanging character.
Or we allow our circumstances to define his character for us.
Unfortunately many of us let our circumstances dictate what we are believing about God.
We want things our way, we don’t want to be single anymore, and then when God doesn’t deliver we become disappointed and dejected. Often we fail to see the bigger picture. He is writing a different story.
News flash- we aren’t the main character. Does he love us and know every hair on our heads? Yes!
But what he is doing is so much bigger than this momentary life we are living. He is far more concerned with our character than our momentary comfort.
Zooming Out
We are being invited into a bigger story- to bring his Kingdom here on Earth.
That’s not to say God doesn’t care about the details of our lives. He absolutely does. God is sovereign over ALL. He is not limited. There are layers to all he is accomplishing.
It’s ok to struggle with this dynamic. Job did, David did, Habbakuk did and many others in the Bible. We see this story line over and over again. There is this tension between what we see versus what we know to be true about God. From our limited perspective they can seem to be in conflict.
However, what we see modeled in these stories is a humble questioning of God. A leaning in and a seeking to understand.
If we have not spent the time seeking the heart of God, then it is all the more difficult to trust him through the disappointments and devastation this life can bring.
This is especially true if you are struggling to see purpose in your singleness.
Our expectations will not always align with his purpose. But His purpose will always be inextricably linked to his character.
He does not always promise a way out, but rather he promises his presence through.
So what do we do when we are struggling in our singleness? When we are disappointed in the trajectory of our lives? Or when we are tired of feeling lonely on this journey? When we long for companionship and intimacy?
Well Paul & Silas sang, Habakkuk sang, David sang! They declared the goodness of God even when they didn’t not see it reflected in their circumstances.
A Sacrifice of Praise
Scripture acknowledged that praise is often a sacrifice (Hebrews 13:15). It isn’t always an overflow of how we feel, but rather a choice to praise who He is, regardless of our circumstances.
Paul said, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Phil 4: 12-13)
We won’t always be able to see his goodness in our circumstances, our vision is limited, but in these moments we can stand on the promises of God and declare what we know to be true about his character. We can ask for the Holy Spirit to give us strength.
Heather Zemplin said it this way, “As we gaze through the lens of our lives, we need to adjust the aperture so that eternity comes into focus and redefines everything else in the picture.”
What’s in focus in your life?
Being able to flourish in our singleness is directly linked to our view of God and our pursuit of him in our lives.
Take time this week to consider where you are investing your time & energy.
Trusting God’s heart toward you cannot happen apart from knowing him.
A.W. Tozer said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
What’s informing your view of God?
Come say Hey!