Before I dive into the 3 books that helped me live more intentionally in my singleness. Let me start with a brief story.
My parents had a hydrangea bush planted at the base of their back deck. I’m not exaggerating when I say this bush was massive! It grew far higher than the top of the deck railings, completely obstructing the view of the back yard, despite being cut back at the end of every season. Undeniably this bush wasI think it was nuclear. I used to give my mom a hard time about it because, what was the point of sitting on the back deck if you couldn’t see past that bush?
It was a love- hate relationship really, because despite blocking the view, it was quite beautiful once it was in bloom. However, along with its blossoming came an invasion of bees. I was sitting on the deck one morning observing the busyness of those bees- hornets, bubble bees, honey bees, some I didn’t even recognize. Zigging this way and that, landing for a moment- then off to the next flower. In the midst of all the movement, I noticed a butterfly. She landed gracefully on a flower and lingered there for a while, appearing so undeterred and unbothered by the hundreds of bees busying themselves all around her. She seemed to move methodically and peacefully; it was such a stark contrast to the motion of all the other insects swarming the bush.
As I watched this thought settled in my mind- “I want to be like a butterfly among the bees.”
In a culture that seems to praise busyness and a full schedule, I think many of us actually crave a life marked by a peaceful and gentle cadence. It’s so easy for us to get caught in the pace of life that culture sets for us. It takes intentionality to slow down and to be present. As a single person it can be especially challenging to balance the expectations of others. I have found that oftentimes there is a higher expectation for people who are single to be flexible and more available. It can be challenging to set boundaries and rhythms that are healthy and life giving.
I want to share with you 3 books that have helped me shift my thinking and provided me with practical tools to be able to live more intentionally. If you struggle to cultivate more peace in your life, then you will want to add these three books to your TBR list.
What’s keeping you distracted?
In a world spinning with 24 hour news cycles, endless social media scrolling and limitless streaming options, it’s inevitable that we are distracted. The notification lights up your phone calling for your attention to check your email, respond to the text or answer the FT call. All the while we remain unaware of the joy and peace we are being robbed of in that moment. So what does it look like to live an undistracted and purposeful life? Bob Goff seeks to answer that question in this book.
If you are familiar with Bob Goff either through his previous books, Love Does or Everybody, Always, or have listened to his Podcast Dream Big, you know that he is one of the most engaging and captivating story tellers of our time. Reading his books feels like you are sitting down with him for a cup of coffee just to talk about life. I can’t think of a better author to write a book about being undistracted.
The Misadventure of a Serial Reject
Chapter 14, ‘The Misadventure of a Serial Reject’ was the money chapter for me. I have become well acquainted with the feelings of rejections in my 30+ trips around the sun. Goff ushers us into this chapter with this challenge,“See unexpected circumstances as surprises, and what seems like disappointment will become an invitation.” He addresses the determination required to face the disappointments we will inevitably face in this life. In those moments we have a choice of who we are and how we will respond, in light of what we know to be true about God.
Goff reminds us that, “the truth is, God knows exactly what He’s doing, and He is never surprised. Disappointments are often divine redirections, but sometimes to get where you want to go when the road washes out, you have to get busy and build a new path.”
These lessons come alive in the stories he shares along the way. These are not just ethereal ideas or notions, but truths found in living life intentionally, a well examined life. For all my single girlies out there- don’t hesitate to pick up this book and start doing the work to get clarity on your purpose. Lean into your God given purpose and occupy the potential of all God created you to be. Like Bob says, “If we are going to access the most powerful, impactful life available, we have to get ruthless about the obstacles getting in our way.” I want that for my life and I want that for yours too. The world is going to try to tame you and label you- don’t let them determine your path or your legacy. Become confident in who God created you to be.
What’s filling your schedule?
This is one of the most thought provoking books I have read of late. Don’t be fooled, this isn’t another self-help book with 3 easy steps to a less stressful life. The word Ruthless is in the title for a reason. It is a challenge to some of the most deeply held beliefs and habits of Western culture. Comer deconstructs the definition of success through the lens of Christ’s teaching. He articulates that problem of ‘Hurry’ we face in our culture and the impact it is having on our society. He proposes a solution. Hint: the solution isn’t more time. He walks the reader through four practices for unhurrying your life- Silence & Solitude, Sabbath, Simplicity and Slowing. Each chapter is filled with practical applications for how to live out scripture in our lives.
Comer says, “It takes planning and preparation. It takes self-control, the capacity to say no to a list of good things so you can say yes to the best.”
I know that I often struggle with this concept, what is my best yes? Honestly? Are my yes’ oriented toward God? Are the things I’m choosing to give my time to adding value to my life? These are the kinds of questions Comer deals with in the pages of this book. If you are looking to cultivate more peace in your life, then it’s definitely worth the read.
What are you saying yes to?
Speaking of answering the question, “What is my best yes?” Lysa Terkeurst tackles this from a uniquely female perspective. She comes right out the gate stating, “We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please?” Ouch! I don’t know about you, but that one hits home for me. I want to be a person that people can rely on, the person that can swoop in and save the day. But it is important to check the motives of my heart. Having the wisdom to discern the difference requires leaning into an intimate relationship with Christ. It comes from time spent in his presence seeking after truth.
Lysa reminds us that, “Never is a woman so fulfilled as when she chooses to underwhelm her schedule so she can let God overwhelm her soul” That sounds like the best yes to me!
It can be challenging to draw a distinction between what we feel is expected of us versus what we should do. Navigate relationships with those who have set those expectations for us can be even more difficult. Lysa provides practical tools for how we can approach and assess choices in light of God’s will for our lives. She unpacks scriptures that provide guidance on how to consistently be able to discern the best yes, 5 elements to making decisions.
She also dives into the importance of our attitude and approach to saying yes and no to opportunities. You have probably heard the saying inaction is still action. The same is true of our choices. Our inability to say no to the wrong things, robs us of the chance to say yes to the best things. We have to take seriously the responsibility to steward well the time, talent and treasure God has blessed us with.
Final Thoughts
All three of these books equipped me with wisdom and tools to be able to untangle myself from expectations and demands on me that did not align with God’s will for me. We won’t always get it right, but we can be intentional about how we chose to live. We are image bearers of Christ in this lost and broken world- how we chose to live matters. If this is the desire of your heart, I highly recommend taking some time to read through these books. Glean some wisdom from three individuals who are actively participating in ushering in God’s kingdom to earth.
Click here to read to discover 3 Myths About Singleness